Zayn
“Pillowtalk”
#1
There are pleasurable and inspiring hooks, the ones that get you on your feet and make your heart soar. There are mediocre hooks, the ones you register and maybe even remember, but that don’t do much to you either way. And then there are irritating hooks, the kind that stick not only your in brain but in your craw, the hooks you try desperately to get away from even as they’re relentlessly pulling you in. One or two of these irritants in a song are fine, like the occasional discord in a melody. But on “Pillowtalk”, Zayn has managed to create an entire record built on nothing but irritating hooks. Whether he’s pronouncing paradise so it sounds like paradox, or war zone in a way you don’t recognize at all, or engaging in “reck-a-lus behavior”, the record is full of moments that are guaranteed to drive you mad. That may be the point. I won’t know for sure until I get the damn thing out of my head.
Drake
“Summer Sixteen”
#6
It would figure that a Drake throwaway would have more good lines than his more carefully thought-out raps ever do. The stuff about his swimming pool being bigger than Kanye’s is actually funny, and there are a few other places where an unvarnished, unsentimental world-weariness comes through. It’s all still ridiculous, but then Drake lives in a ridiculous world. Maybe he’s finally owning up to it.
Coldplay
“Hymn For The Weekend”
#68
Nothing in the world, not the finest arrangements and production money can buy, not even the brief presence of Beyonce, can save Coldplay from the twin curse of Chris Martin’s mindless lyrics and mealy mouth. Even Gwyneth Paltrow gave up on him; why can’t everybody else?
Charlie Puth Featuring Selena Gomez
“We Don’t Talk Anymore”
#78
The song is mediocre at best, but as Selena Gomez proves, even mediocre material can be made entertaining by a decent singer. But Charlie Puth (pronounced “Pfthtt!”) isn’t a decent singer, and every time he opens his mouth this mediocre song becomes a bad one.
Troye Sivan
“Youth”
#85
I thought Sivan’s previous chart appearance, “Happy Little Pills”, showed a lot of promise, and “Youth”—which is more carefully constructed and less wordy—show’s even more. I just wish the title line wasn’t so ambiguous. When he says “My youth is yours” does he mean it as a celebratory gift, a sacrifice, or a resignation? Is he giving it to a lover, an older person of authority, the world at large? I’m assuming the first in each case, since that’s what the lyrics suggest, but the music is darker and the meaning less clear. To varying degrees it could be all of the above. Maybe if I took some happy little pills I could figure it out.
Rihanna
“Needed Me”
#91
I wondered at first why Rihanna would have picked so nebulous a track as a single. Surely not because she wanted to make another video in which she murders someone (in this case a sleazy player in a strip club), though that may be a perfectly good reason. The best I could come up with, and this is pure conjecture, is that “Needed Me” is partly an answer to Justin Bieber’s recent run of singles. It has the same minimalist, dreamy quality, only a lot more intense, and Rihanna often phrases and follows melody lines that sound a lot like Bieber (though I’m sure the influence goes in the opposite direction). “Needed Me” could also be directed toward the incessant self-pitying moping so many rappers have embraced the last few years, while still blaming hoes and bitches for their problems (this would go a long way toward explaining the video as well). The track stands up even without these undercurrents, but Rihanna is playing a deep game here, and I wouldn’t put any of the possibilities past her.
Kevin Gates Featuring Trey Songz, Ty Dolla $ign & Jamie Foxx
“Jam”
#97
Easily forgettable except for the lie told via sample in the intro. If you’re going to promise me Luther Vandross, you better deliver.